


a love by any other name

by unlitstars



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, HOW CAN THEY BE SO UGH, Heists, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kissing, Love, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, actually i've lost count, i'm actually mortified that i had to type out a swear word, kidshin???, let alone two, loooooovvvveeeeeeee, mild swearing, random acts of affection, shinkai, shinkid, ugh i just want to scream in frustration, weird stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-05-15 22:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19305475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unlitstars/pseuds/unlitstars
Summary: 1—ludus:"Okay, KID, just so you know—this is your worst heist. Ever."2—pragma:"What am I doing with my life?" he groaned.Or, the five times five types of love brought them happiness, and the one time it didn't.And the two bonus times in between.





	1. ludus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TODORKI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TODORKI/gifts).



> **Mainly ShinKai, but has a bit of KaiShin.**
> 
> Okay, first thing: happy birthday Kaito and Aoyama- _sensei_!
> 
> Second thing, this was both fun to write and absolutely mortifying. [TODORKI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TODORKI), please appreciate the hell I had to crawl through to get this done. I am not good with this romance and fluff thing. In fact, you know I avoid it like the plague.
> 
> Lastly, this is a gift for [TODORKI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TODORKI), and I just wanted to say, WELCOME TO THE FANDOM. I hope you have a nice time here, because you're never gonna leave. ~~Lest you want me to steal your cat. Because I will. I'll look after her, don't worry!!!~~
> 
> Happy reading!

### 1— _ludus_  
     playful love

“Okay, KID, just so you know—this is your worst heist. Ever.” 

“Why are you pinning the blame on me?” KID yelled over Nakamori-keibu’s enraged shouting, launching himself onto the ceiling as Shinichi quickly ducked behind a display case. “It’s not like I invited the fair lady to my heist."

“Fair lady?” Shinichi scoffed. “Please. She has a kill count higher than your IQ.”

“Excuse _you_ , I happen to have an IQ of _400_.”

“Of course.” he retorted right back. “That’s why you dive off rooftops for fun and provoke snipers in your spare time.” To his credit, KID actually looked offended. “IQ of 400, my ass.”

“You don’t believe me? Tantei-san can prove it. Just—” He froze, falling onto the marble in front of him. It seemed to have finally registered. He rounded on him. “—wait, wait, wait. What do you mean ‘kill count’? How did one of _your_ loonies end up at _my_ heist?"

“I don’t know.” he said flippantly, examining his nails. “She could be after me. There’s been a lot of people after my life lately.”

“ _Meitantei_.”

“What? I didn’t—”

“—shh!” KID put one gloved finger over his lips. He leaned in a little closer. “I hear something.” Shinichi couldn’t breathe. “I think it’s my dear Inspector.”

“Re-really? You scared me.” he shoved him off, none too gently. “I thought she was coming.” 

KID grinned. “But at least I got to spend more time with you~” he sang, eyes sparkling. “It’s not everyday I get to spend so much time talking to you, meitantei.”

“It’s not everyday I have to spend time talking to an idiot.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re against it,” he winked. “Besides, I knew you were a magnet for trouble but for your luck to trump mine, it really must be bad, huh? Attracting another criminal to my heist.” he pouted. “You’re letting her cut into my Shinichi time.”

“ _Your_ —you know what, I give up. She could be coming any second and you’re worrying about her cutting into your _what_? She could kill us all in fifteen seconds. I’m surprised we’re still alive.”

“Uh-uh.” he wagged his finger at him. “You forget that the Great Kaitou KID never gets beaten by anyone. I’m not gonna lose my life so easily. You just wait and see.”

“Right.” He leaned back against the glass case. “Sure. I believe you.”

“Have some more faith in me, meitantei! Unlike you, who attracts dead bodies and criminals in your sleep, I have actual skill to back up my words.” he paused, looking him up and down. Shinichi shivered. He didn’t like that look on his face. “Though, I must say, as a criminal myself, I can see why you’re so... _attractive_.” he winked. “Your beauty truly shines brighter than—”

“Can we just focus on the murderer? Can’t you flirt some other time?”

“So you want me to flirt with you?”

He shut his mouth. Damn phantom thieves and their smooth talk. He willed his heart to stop hammering in his chest. “No,” he said slowly. “I want you to take her out.”

“For a date? Instead of you? Aw, I would’ve loved—”

“KID.” He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you dare finish off that sentence.”

KID just smirked and tugged the brim of his hat down. “Can’t. It’s in my blood.” 

“What am I supposed to do with you? Why can’t you just—I don’t know—be normal or something?”

“Normal is so boring.” He sighed frustratedly as his hat rose above the case again, trying to fix it. “I’d rather be crazy than ‘normal’.”

“Why can’t you just take that off?” Shinichi pointed at his hat. “Isn’t that annoying?”

“Trying to strip me already?” he snickered. “We haven’t even gone on one date yet.”

“Be serious! It’s just a hat!” he yelled, finally exploding, and smacked him on the head. “We’re actually in a serious situation here!” 

There was utter silence.

 “Shit.” Even Nakamori-keibu’s voice was gone. He stared. “Hell.” She definitely heard that.

KID just raised an eyebrow. “You got that right.”

“Fuck.” He stood up, pulling KID by the hand. “Run.”

He dropped a smoke bomb.

 

* * *

 

“Is this,” he panted, finally dropping his hand. The now-familiar sight of a rooftop greeted him. “Is this far enough? Do you, do you think we talk properly now? Backup for the arrest isn’t going to arrive until about five past, and it’s only—” He glanced at his watch. “—fifteen to.”

“Probably. I didn’t know what lengths you’d go to to get us alone, but—” he looked around him. “—but apparently I underestimated you.” He walked to the railing. “Exposing our location to a serial killer.” he muttered, shaking his head.

“What? How could you still think about that now?”

“I saw her earlier.” he deflected. “The woman, I mean. She didn’t even have a weapon.”

“Don’t keep up with the news, do you? She uses _needles_. It isn’t a visible weapon if thrown fast enough and it barely even leaves a mark. She’s dangerous.” He didn’t want to put him in harm’s way, but he couldn’t do much about it. KID was about the only one he trusted wholeheartedly under these circumstances.

“—and you just left my dear Task Force behind? Meitantei—”

“They know about her. I made sure the Inspector knew she could be coming after me so I had him tell everyone to retreat once he saw her. They aren’t equipped to handle this, KID. God, even _I’m_ not equipped to handle this.”

“You couldn’t have started with that?” he blinked. “And you think _I’m_ equipped to handle a needle-throwing monster with deadly aim? You think too highly of me. I’m not helping.” He folded his arms across his chest. “I don’t want to die.”

“But it would be so fun! C’mon, KID.”

“Last time I helped you, I almost got blown up into a thousand pieces. Maybe I’m not worth much in your eyes, but at least _I_ value my life.”

“C’mon.” He fluttered his eyelashes. “Live a little, will ya?”

“I’m done doing things for you, darling.”

He dropped his little act. “‘You forget that the Great Kaitou KID never gets beaten by anyone.’” he quoted. “‘I’m not gonna lose my life so easily. You just wait and see.’”

“Somehow,” he said slowly. “I knew my words would come back to bite me in the ass.”

“Great!” he chirped, smirking. “Glad to see you’re in.”

KID sighed. “Fine. Last time though.” He moved closer to Shinichi. “So what’s the plan, meitantei?”

“I want you to run out in front of her, while I sneak behind her and shoot her with my tranquiliser watch. She never misses her target, so you might die in the process, but hey, it’s all for the greater good, right?”

“You’re kidding.”

“When do I ever kid? That’s your job, you know.”

KID stopped. “Well,” he started. “At least tell me you thought this through.”

Shinichi smirked, a sight oddly reminiscent of KID’s own. “Nope!”

He stared. “You’re absolutely insane.”

“Thanks.” He gave him a saccharine smile. “But, you know, that kind of sounds like you’re admitting that I’m superior to you. Since you’re the most insane person I know.”

“Meitantei—”

“—that’s Kudou- _senpai_ to you, KID—”

“—shouldn’t we, like, focus on the murderer? Or focus on coming up with a better plan? Just a suggestion.”

“No, wait—” He held up a hand. “—more importantly, the Great Kaitou KID himself just admitted that I was superior to him—”

“I did _not_ —”

“—so today is a day that will go down in history. Is there anyone around ‘cept us two? I’d like to find a witness.”

“Yeah,” he rolled his eyes. “The _serial killer_.”

“Perfect.”

KID shook his head. “I give up.”

Shinichi smirked. “So, you still in?”

“Hell no.”

“A gentleman never goes back on his word, KID.” he chided.

“And I’m a gentleman thief. It’s in my job description. Right.” he sighed again. “I’m starting to wonder who the real mastermind is here, with _you_ backing _me_ into a corner.” 

Shinichi just smiled. “I hope I can count on you, partner.” he patted him on the back. “You might get a reward if you do well.” he winked.

To his surprise, KID blushed a pretty pink. “You—that is—I—” he sputtered. “Why—”

“You can’t handle a taste of your own medicine? This might be more fun than I thought.”

“ _Meitantei_.”

“You’re always flirting with me,” he pointed out. “This is just payback.”

“I was joking!”

“You sure? Because it doesn’t sound much like a joke, given the amount of times you’ve flirted.”

“My, my, meitantei, it almost sounds like you want me to be serious about this.” His monocle glinted.

“And what’s wrong with that? You’re the one I like after all.” What the _hell_ was he doing? No, no, he wasn’t supposed to know about his giant crush on the guy, he was never going to hear the end of this, he should’ve just stayed with the police—

“That’s—I—I can’t believe—I feel the same,” he looked astounded. “I didn’t think—I didn’t think—”

Oh, _hell_. 

“Then don’t.”

One beat, then two—he didn’t know whether time had slowed down or sped up, but he just _moved_ , fitting his mouth onto KID’s pretty, blush-pink lips. 

From where he was, he could see the fan of KID’s eyelashes, the mesmerising colour of his eyes, and maybe, _maybe_ he was coming on too strongly, maybe he was moving too fast for this all to work, but then KID was kissing back—he was kissing back just as strongly, and maybe he didn’t have anything to worry about after all. 

“Wow.” KID looked a little shell-shocked. “If every kiss with you is like that, then I wouldn’t mind a few more.”

“Glad you approve,” Shinichi smiled, saccharine. He was steadily ignoring his internal freak-out. “But if you want another, you’re gonna have to earn it.”

He could already see the question forming on his lips, but—“Shh!” Shinichi shushed him, one finger on his lips, smirking at the parallel. “She’s coming.” He could hear the click-click of her heels on the stairs. Another second, and she would see them.

The footsteps stopped, just before she reached the doorway. “Where is my little detective and his pet thief?” He could hear the poison in her honeyed words. He nudged KID. “I was enjoying our little game of hide-and-seek until you decided to run from me, sweetie.”

“Is that so?” Shinichi answered back, ignoring the alarm in KID’s eyes. “I was under the impression that it was game over.”

“Oh, no, no, no.” She laughed, a venomous little thing coated in sugar. “The game is never over until someone wins.”

“And who is going to win this time? Can’t be you, can it? I hold all the cards here.”

“Oh, my little detective.” And there was real danger in her voice now. “You forget I have an ace up my sleeve.”

“And you,” he smirked, a little smugness seeping into his voice. “Forget I have a Joker up mine.” He snapped his fingers.

KID dropped one of his flash bombs. 

“It’s all up to you now, my partner-in-crime.”

A thud, then the sound of someone falling down the stairs. “Shit.”

“KID?” He hurried over. He couldn’t have—

“I, uh, I may have failed to catch her when she fell.” KID stood sheepishly in the doorway. 

He could have. 

“So she’s lying down there now. Oops.”

“KID…”

“I’m sorry, okay? Stop looking at me like that, meitantei.” Shinichi didn’t know how he looked, but he hoped it was appropriately disapproving. He was still a little high from the rush. “It’s not like I pushed her down the stairs. I honestly didn’t think she’d fall that way.”

“It’s alright,” Shinichi murmured, trying to school his features. “She is well and truly knocked out now. We can leave her to the police. She might have a couple more scrapes and bruises than what I’d like, but it’s alright. You still did a good job.”

“Really? Good,” he licked his lips, a hint of mischief back in the thief’s indigo eyes. “Did I do well enough to earn that reward, meitantei?” He wrapped his arms around the detective’s waist.

“Of course,” he cupped his cheeks. “I’m so proud of you.” He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to KID’s mouth. “Is that what you wanted?”

“Hmm,” KID hummed thoughtfully. “I’d like a little more than that.” He leaned in closer, but Shinichi ducked away, reluctantly.

“You know they will soon come and investigate the noise, not to mention I need to tell them I’m fine.” he groaned. “Not to mention, Nakamori-keibu and Megure-keibu will probably team up lecturing me about facing down a _serial_ killer alone. It’s gonna be hell.”

“Alone? I did all the work!” KID still looked disappointed, but he’d get over it, soon enough.

“As far as they’re concerned, I was alone.”

They stood there in silence, neither really wanting the night to end.

“Do you have to leave?” Shinichi blurted out, fidgeting a little.

“I can’t stay here forever, you know. As much as I want to, both of us have our duties.”

He bit his lip. “Just a little longer, then?”

“Yeah, of course.”

They stood there watching the stars, holding onto each other, together.

_I’ll stay forever if you asked me to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > “Can someone please explain why there’s a _wanted criminal_ at my heist—”
>> 
>> “Sir, KID _is_ a wanted criminal—I really don’t think it’s that surprising—”
>> 
>> “—idiot!” Whump. “I'm not talking about him! She's that serial killer Megure's after.”
>> 
>> “—shit!”
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this.


	2. pragma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I added and changed a bit of the first chapter to make it work better with the new plot.**
> 
> OKAY I KNOW I SAID A WEEK OR SO, BUT THE SEMESTER FINALLY ENDED AND I JUST FINISHED NARUTO SHIPPUUDEN AND I JUST—
> 
> —FEELS, YOU KNOW? (Basically, I got distracted reading SasuNaru fics, going through anime withdrawal, and ended up listening to all the openings back to back, on repeat, all through the writing of this chapter.)
> 
> I'm completely fine, it's not like I was bawling my eyes out or anything. It's not like my heart is broken or anything. I'm totally not sad. ಥ‿ಥ
> 
> The other reason is that I realised halfway that what I'd planned for _pragma_ didn't make any sense, so cue replanning, and congratulations!
> 
> It's now a half-baked fake relationship!au!!!

### 2— _pragma_  
      practical love

It was a rare day, one not overly hot or too cold for him to do without a jacket, and with beautiful weather to boot. The sun wasn’t trying to shoot lasers into his eyes, or trying to bake him alive; the clouds were just mounds of white fluff, making nonsensical shapes in the sky—and if one or two clouds too closely resembled a gentleman thief that visited him in his dreams, he didn’t notice.

It was on a nice day such as this, that Shinichi decided to go on a walk. His books were great, his cases a little less so, but he wouldn’t lie that sometimes he missed the noise—a laugh there, a word here—it was cold, being all alone. He finally had a day where he didn’t wake up to some sort of citywide crime spree, or someone yelling at him for his help or telling him to wake the hell up, because there was an emergency—the point is, he wasn’t going to spend the day moping.

So he was completely justified in thinking that the one day everything was going spectacularly, nothing incredibly weird was going to happen. Particularly because every weird thing for the next month should have happened at the KID heist. Presumably, he had absolutely nothing to worry about. KID was weird enough on his own. He felt safe in thinking that all the weirdness that was his life was away from him for the rest of the month. Even if it made that bitter cocktail of _alone-sad-jealous-alone_ harder to swallow, he was sure it was worth it. Maybe.

So excuse him for being surprised when a _dove_ of all things landed on his shoulder, and proceeded to yank on his hair, cooing all the while.

Though perhaps ‘surprised’ was an understatement, unless one considered a barely-suppressed shriek and jumping two metres in the air unassisted, all done in the middle of a busy street ‘surprised’.

“What—” he yelped, just a tad too loud. No one even batted an eye. All the businesspeople just kept walking, like it was every day that a bird landed on someone’s shoulder. Even if someone spontaneously combusted right now, they probably would still have found a way to make it to their next meeting on time.

The little bastard just looked him, head cocked to one side, the very picture of innocence.

“Seriously, why does this have to happen today?” he shifted, trying to get the tiny ball of fluff off his shoulder. “Ow—let go of my hair. It’s not food. I said it’s not.” When he finally managed to get the damn bird to stop, he already made it to somewhere much quieter. “Why would you do this to me? What kind of evil person sent you to do their bidding?”

And maybe it was because he couldn’t get the man out of his mind, maybe it was because there were only two people who he knew had doves and one of them was dead, the white feathers coupled with intelligent eyes kind of reminded him of someone—“Right, because KID would definitely send one of his doves after me to harass me.” he rolled his eyes. Even he found the idea improbable.

He couldn’t stop thinking about that stupid thief, after that little _tryst_ a couple of heists ago, and every meeting afterwards followed along the same lines. Every time he saw something that was pure white, every time he saw something that was indigo, his mind immediately jumped to that idiot. It wasn’t that thinking about the thief was bad or anything, since, yeah, he was kind of hot, but he was just so _distracting_. Even more devastating in person. He couldn’t concentrate. At all. It was all that stupid thief’s fault.

He glared at the white fluff, even though it had done nothing wrong. The dove was small, even if it looked full-grown. This required careful handling, not that he was planning on murdering the poor bird anyway. “Are you one of KID’s?” he had to ask. He felt ridiculous doing it, but he had to. Curiosity never managed to kill him, though, so he wasn’t too worried. He doubted this bird could kill him after Gin and Vodka, anyway.

“Are you? Or am I just imagining things?” The bird just blinked. Damn bird. How well was it even trained? “C’mon, say something,” he murmured, looking at it dead in the eye. “It’s a yes or no question, dove.” No answer. Well, there was always bribery.

He sighed. How did his day end up with him bribing a bird for information? Too bad he stopped carrying around bird feed a decade ago. “I don’t have anything for you right now, so could you just—”

“Pluto!” A worried call made him look up. A guy with hair like a bird’s nest ran towards him, and the dove—presumably Pluto—flew towards him and cooed. Well. There went his information source. “There you are! You can’t just fly off like that!” The guy chastised, completely oblivious to Shinichi. “What happens if you run into danger again, huh? Do you know how worried I get? You never listen!”

“Um—” he started, taking a step back. “Should I leave you two alone or something? Do you need a moment?” The longer the guy went on, the more he was starting to sound like a helicopter parent.

“Oh—” The guy breathed. He had really pretty eyes, Shinichi thought. Like KID’s. He almost groaned. He needed to get him out of his mind. He’d been seeing flashes of indigo _everywhere_ , lately. Behind a bush, on the street, in his _house_ — _everywhere_. “Sorry! I hope this little guy wasn’t causing you any trouble.” He turned his attention back to the dove. “Don’t think acting cute will get you out of this, mister. You’re still not forgiven.” Another coo. If doves could smirk, this one definitely was.

“It’s alright. He didn’t do any lasting damage.” That yank had really stung though.

“That,” he smiled, a little uncertainly. “Doesn’t sound particularly reassuring, but I’ll take it, considering that’s all I aim to do when I’m leaving a first impression. Guess he takes after his father.”

Shinichi raised an eyebrow. “Magician?”

He was unmoved. “Detective?”

“Kudou Shinichi, detective.” he responded, receiving another blinding smile in return. “And as a dedicated man to my work, I’d like to remind you not to talk to random strangers. You don’t want to know how many times I’ve ran into criminals when talking to strangers. Even I could be a killer, out for blood, and the next thing you know—bang! You’re dead and Pluto’s mine.”

“Is that it? You’re only talking to me to steal Pluto off me?” He had to give the man credit. He actually looked offended. “I’m Kuroba Kaito, a magician.” He poofed a green rose into existence, and held it out for him to take. “Here’s to hoping I don’t end up dying by your hand, Shinichi.”

 

* * *

 

He was like a whirlwind.

One second, he didn’t know him at all, and the next, he couldn’t go five centimetres without running into the idiot. Surprisingly, even with his colourful mayhem and glitter, it hadn’t affected their friendship at all. He blamed the fact that he’d had practice with his type of crazy before. Namely, people, especially people like his parents were exactly Kuroba’s kind of insane. He wasn’t sure how he knew so many of them.

He’d even become better friends with Pluto. 

It was weird how well he knew Kuroba, despite the fact they’d only known each other for a couple of months. Still, he felt a touch too familiar, to the point of reminding him of someone else altogether, but he couldn’t exactly remember why. Maybe it was because it was easy to get along with him, easy to just forget everything and just cling to some semblance of normalcy everyone else seemed to enjoy. Maybe it was because he was just a touchy person and made him feel a little more relaxed with the constant casual affection. He didn’t really know. He also didn’t want to dwell on it. He had bigger things to worry about.

Like now; trying to stop a magician on a sugar high from dumping more chocolate into the batter was a daunting task, and he had severely underestimated himself.

“No, no, no—don’t put that in there—Kuroba!” he smacked his friend in the head. “We don’t need more!”

“What? Of course we do.” Kuroba answered, his hand reaching for another block of chocolate—though to eat or dump into the batter, he wasn’t so sure. Either way, Shinichi put an end to that quickly. “Are you worried about the taste? I can assure you it will taste better if you put more in.”

“You’re not even supposed to just chuck blocks of chocolate in! You’re supposed to melt it first!” He narrowed his eyes. “More chocolate does not automatically equal better taste. Soufflés are a very delicate construction.”

“So? Who has more experience in the culinary field, me or you, Shinichi? Who is it?”

Just because _he_ had been hired as some sort of a food taster did _not_ mean that he had more experience. “Not you, for sure. We’re talking about cooking here, _cooking_! You can’t even cook instant yakisoba!”

“Well, _I’m_ sorry I keep thinking it’s ramen and end up leaving the water in, but we’re baking! You can literally only make lemon tarts!”

“I’ve only needed to make lemon tarts before! It’s not like everyone is as obsessed with chocolate as you! I’ve seen that chocolate shrine you have in your room, don’t think I haven’t.” he glared at him. How does this guy even live on such a sweet substance? He’d go crazy within a day.

“Shinichi, that hurts my feelings. It’s not my fault no one else can appreciate the fine beauty of chocolate as much as I do. Plus, doesn’t this recipe call for chocolate? You should listen to me! I clearly have more experience!”

“You’re a _magician_! All you do is blow things up! You can’t _cook_!”

“And you’re a _detective_! How many of your dead bodies can help you with this, Shinichi?”

In a fit of childishness, he responded by throwing flour in his face. He was only afforded a short moment of victory before absolute mischief and Kuroba’s competitive streak was ignited.

It was brought abruptly to an end when they ran out of flour. 

“Oh thank—”

“I wouldn’t celebrate too soon. You’re the one who has to clean it up.”

“What? Why do _I_ have to clean it up?”

“Because I won.”

“But this is my house!”

“And I’m a guest. Tsk, tsk, Shinichi, don’t make your guest do the work.”

“Please tell me that at least the soufflés going to be alright.”

“Sorry to break it to you, but they never made it into the oven. Maybe they’ll still turn out fine even after the excess flour?”

“And the _excess chocolate_. And, oh for—please tell me that’s not real.”

“What’s not real?”

“My phone. Please tell me Ran is not calling me right now.”

“Er—it’s not real. It’s all a dream. All a dream. Yeah.” His face must be a real pretty sight under all the flour right now, if Kuroba’s facial expressions were any indication. “Are you alright? You look kind of...blue.” A pause. “And now you’re green. Is she that bad?”

“She will single-handedly break my ribs and my legs and my neck and my arms—”

“—that’s enough detail, I don’t think I—”

“—if I don’t pick up. If I die, please bury me instead of cremating me. I would like to decompose in peace.”

“Al-alright.” Kuroba’s eyes were still crinkled in concern, but now there was a little fear thrown into the mix too. “Go ahead.”

Shinichi swallowed back his own fear, and picked up; his flour-covered fingers shaking. “Hi Ran—”

“ _Shin_ - _i_ - _chi_ ,” the mildly angry voice on the other end cut him off, stressing every syllable of his name. “Why didn’t you pick up right away? I thought you’d been kidnapped again, or maybe you were in _yet another near-death situation_ and didn’t want me to know! As usual!”

He winced at her volume, and held his phone away from his ear. “That was _one_ time! And I’m just spending time with a friend! Baking just got a little out of hand.” If a little out of hand meant his entire kitchen covered in flour, and the two people covered head to toe in white. Recently, he reflected, all his days were drowning in understatements. Great.

“One time is one time too many!” He could almost hear her narrowing her eyes. “What friend? Is Hattori-kun over?”

“Er, no—a new friend.” Even as he said that, his eyes were drawn to Kuroba. He was waving to get his attention, in an attempt to not get more flour on his shirt. He pointed to his phone, then the next room, and left.

Shinichi stared mournfully after the trail of white footprints Kuroba left behind.

“A new friend? Since when did antisocial detectives make new friends by staying at home?”

“I’m not antisocial! I just prefer my books over people.” At her warning cough, he amended his previous statement. “Most people. And have you heard of the internet? Some people have ‘internet friends’!”

A snort. “And you do? Right. Enough about the new guy. I called you to talk about—”

“No, no, no, please no, someone have mercy—”

“—another blind date.”

“Damn it, Ran!” He couldn’t exactly say he was single now, but he couldn’t exactly tell her he was in a relationship with an internationally wanted phantom thief, now, could he? “How many times—”

“Shinichi! I promise she’s not a creep this time!”

“And she’ll be a fucking pot plant this time too, I’m not dumb—” Dissuade, dissuade.

“Maybe she’ll—”

“—oh wait, creepers can be pot plants too—damn!”

“Kudou Shinichi!”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You will go on this blind date.”

“No ma’am.”

“Shinichi, stop being so difficult. I only want the—”

“—the best for me, I know. ‘That’s why you should find someone, Shinichi, even one person is fine. They don’t have to be your forever. I don’t want you to be alone when we’re all gallivanting off into the sunset on white studs, _with_ studs.’”

“Did you just suggest that Hattori-kun is gay?”

“That’s not the point here, Ran! I don’t need you to decide my life!”

“Just give this a try.”

“Hattori is one hundred and ten percent straight.”

“Don’t ignore my last sentence, idiot! I swear I will drag you over there myself, and threaten bodily harm so you don’t step a toe out of line!”

“How violent.”

“ _Shinichi_.”

“Ugh,” Head, meet counter. It was a brief acquaintance, but very much appreciated until later, where regret would take the place of appreciation. “I know how much I’m going to regret this later, but fine. _Fine_. I expect a dozen new soccer balls and those new book releases by the end of this week.”

“You drive a hard bargain.” she sighed. “But in the end, I guess it’s all for you. Friday, six thirty. I expect you to be there.”

“Where?”

“Out of your closet.” 

“Ran—” he yelped. “Fuck. She hung up.”

He rubbed his temples. “I’m not in a closet. I am _not_ in a closet.” he mumbled. He was already out of the closet, damn it. She just didn’t know it yet.

Kuroba poked his head back into the kitchen. “Your screaming match over?”

“Kuroba, don’t you start.”

He just laughed and joined him by the counters. “I don’t think I can go to our ‘boys’ night’ on Friday, got something else going on.”

“It’s okay,” he sighed. “I now have something on too. At least if we don’t have our ‘boys’ night’, I wouldn’t lose horribly at everything.” He banged his head on the counter again. “Why is this my life,” he muttered. “Where did I go wrong?” He mourned the loss of when he could still be trusted to make decisions by himself.

“Uh...are you alright?” Kuroba still hadn’t lost that worry in his eyes. “You don’t want to lose your remaining brain cells, when you don’t have much left in the first place.”

“That’s my line.” he flicked his forehead. “I’m fine, thanks.”

“You sure? You still seem a little...out there.”

“Just fine.” He dusted off his apron. “Now, I think we should finish making those soufflés, don’t you say?”

As he watched Kuroba cheer and make victory signs, he just smiled and started getting ready.

 

* * *

 

 

Stairs, he thought viciously, were the worst thing mankind has ever invented. Damn KID for wanting to meet on the rooftop after every damn heist, and damn Nakamori-keibu for never figuring that out. Maybe he should drop a few hints. He didn’t think his legs could take any more abuse. Climbing up thirty floors’ worth of stairs was really keeping him in shape.

“KID!” he called out, when he finally, _finally_ reached the rooftop. “Could you—could you maybe be a tiny bit more considerate and not make me climb up so many stairs?”

“Why?” KID turned towards him, perfectly serene. Was it sad that the only thing his brain could think of was ‘damn, he looks good in his suit’? “You spend all day cooped up in that mansion of yours, isn’t it about time you get some exercise in?”

“Not you too,” he groaned, stumbling. “I already get enough of that antisocial, ‘go outside for once’ stuff from Ran, I don’t need you to start too.”

“We’re just worried about you, meitantei.” He had a lazy sort of smile on his face. Shinichi just huffed. He had a strange urge to kiss the laziness out of his smile. “You don’t take care of yourself very well."

“And you two don’t mind your own business very well,” he sighed, leaning into him. KID just threw an arm around his shoulders.

“We can’t help but worry about you, you know. You get into too much trouble.”

“I’m not trying to!” he protested. “I don’t go looking for trouble, they come and find me.”

“Of course,” he lied agreeably. “That’s why you come to my heists.”

“I only get to see you once or twice a month, so it’s just the exception, not the norm.” Shinichi huffed, turning away slightly. “It’s less ‘looking for trouble’ and more ‘I wanted to see you’, you bastard.” He didn’t particularly want to admit that he had missed the man, but being here made him feel _safe_ , somehow. He felt like he could admit anything, even the little dark thoughts always at the back of his mind, and he and KID would be able to work through it. Like magic. It was disorienting, to be honest. Safety wasn’t something he felt frequently, given his line of work.

“Shinichi,” KID just looked faintly amused. “Are you saying you want me to host more heists? Is the Great Detective of the East _encouraging_ criminal acts?” He poked him playfully. “I didn’t realise I’ve already corrupted you to this extent.” 

“There was no corrupting involved.” he denied vehemently, but KID had already steamrolled on.

“What’s next? You joining as my wonderful assistant—my partner-in-crime? We could rule the world, you and I.” he sighed, eyes full of stars and plans for world domination. “We’d be unstoppable.”

“No, thank you. I want no part in your schemes, especially when they would just end in failure. I don’t want to be executed as your accomplice.”

“So little faith in me! You’re saying it like you know I’m going to fail. And you were so encouraging before!”

“I wasn’t—I wasn’t _encouraging_ you, per se. I was just—uh,” he growled. Why couldn’t he just say it outright? “I just, uh, mi-missed you, I guess.” he admitted, a little shy. “Hey—hey! Don’t laugh at me, idiot!” he smacked him in the shoulder, not bothering to hold back. “You do realise that this isn’t that easy for me, right?”

KID stopped laughing long enough to pout, rubbing his sore shoulder. “It’s just so weird seeing you all shy and hesitant.” he smiled. “Still, it’s cute that you miss me. Never thought I’d hear that from you.”

“Idiot, of course I miss you.” Shinichi brought him closer for a quick, affectionate kiss. He still wasn’t very good at expressing these kinds of heart things, but he’d like to think he was getting better. “I miss that very punchable face.”

“I think you mean kissable, darling.” He rolled his eyes, but he still gave him a tiny little kiss on the nose.

The stars could only shine for so long, and he wasn’t going to waste this little breath of peace while he still had it. He’d be damned if he didn’t spend the rest of the night with him, bantering and bickering and kissing.

The night was only so long.  


* * *

 

 

Shinichi stood in front of the restaurant, wishing he didn’t give in all those days ago. Damn it. “Damn it!” he said out loud, just to emphasise. He should’ve distracted her with something else, he should’ve told her about KID, he should’ve—well, there was no need to delay his inevitable death. He was surprised that he’d even lived this long with a best friend who had no problem with threatening violence, another best friend with anger issues, and all those criminals out for revenge.

He wanted to tell Ran that he was kind of dating KID, but how was he even supposed to start the conversation? ‘Hey Ran, I’m actually already in a relationship. One, I’m not straight. Two, he’s an internationally wanted criminal. Three, Sonoko is definitely going to kill me. Yeah. Don’t murder me?’ Because that would go over _so_ well. He didn’t have a death wish.

He didn’t even know if he could tell Ran about KID; for heaven’s sake, he didn’t even know the thief’s real name. Or real identity. If he thought about it, he didn’t know anything about the thief. There were probably repercussions for dating a known criminal.

“What am I doing with my life?” he groaned.

Things on the ‘real life’-end will just take a little longer to get sorted. If he could get Ran to calm down on that front, it would all be fine. He would just wait until KID was ready to tell him his real identity.

Wait, wait. Did KID even think they were dating? Was he cheating on him by going on this blind date? No, no, he thought firmly, KID should know by now that he wasn’t the cheating type. He trusted KID enough. But then and again, he didn’t realise he was the criminal-dating type either.

“I’m just going to stop thinking.” he declared. “A relationship is a two-way street. Trust runs both ways.” And without a second thought, he stepped inside. “Here’s to hoping my life wouldn’t come out even more messed up.” 

“Name, sir?”

“Kudou.”

How bad could she really be?

The waiter led him to his assigned table, a bit nervous. Wait, was that—

“—Kuroba?” he blinked, a little surprised when he saw who was casually sitting at the neighbouring table. “Didn’t you say you had something else on? Oh, don’t tell me—”

“Got a blind date?” Kuroba grinned.

“You too?” he sat down on Kuroba’s table instead, waving away the waiter’s concern. “If anyone asks for Kudou or Kuroba, please let them sit on that table instead. They’ll be here shortly.” He ducked away gratefully.

“What are you doing?”

He leveled him with a flat look. “You can’t possibly want to actually go on those blind dates they set up for us.”

“Shinichi, they could be nice, you know. Some people actually think dating is important.”

He snorted. “And society thinks having a relationship is the be-all-end-all in life. No thank you. Plus, wouldn’t you rather spend time with me?”

“Sometimes, it’s the new over the old. You just need to get out of your comfort zone.”

“Excuses, excuses. Are you implying that I’m boring?”

“Oh never.” Kuroba smirked. “I could never be bored of you.”

Shinichi pinked a little, turning his head away. This guy really reminded him of someone else, sometimes. “I’m so tired of Ran setting me up with people. I keep telling her not to; she never listens.”

“Aoko’s the same.” He rolled his eyes. “Apparently having a busy career and busy social life ‘is not enough, because one day, Kaito’s going to find himself without both of these things, and Aoko’s trying to help Kaito so that he won’t come running to her when the time comes’.” The second part was said in a woman’s voice he didn’t know, but damn, Kuroba could definitely play a convincing girl.

“Well, she’s not wrong.” Shinichi allowed. “I just wish they would stop pushing us to find someone. It’s a waste of effort on their part, and a waste of time on mine, and a big waste of money all around.”

“And if they were going to set us up, couldn’t they have at least picked some people that we would _actually_ be interested in?”

“Oh, you have no idea. Ran set me up for some really bad ones. Hattori’s even worse, when he ‘helps out’.”

“Sometimes, there are the fangirls—”

“Oh no, the _fangirls_. Don’t even mention them.” he shuddered.

“—some of them just go on and on and on about this thing called an OTP and this other thing called ‘yaoi’ and honestly, I just make a tactical retreat every time. I’m sure they were nice under all...that, but I mean, they were coming on a bit strong.”

“A bit? I don’t have any idea what’s coming out of their mouths all the time. Ran at least tries to set me up with the non-fangirls, but for some damn reason, they’re all as creepy as hell.”

“So your two choices are either fangirls or creeps? Not much choice there, huh, Shinichi?”

“You have no idea.” he groaned. “I wish there was some way for them to stop.”

“They’ll stop if they know you’re in a relationship, right? So you could just tell them—”

“—tell them I’m in a relationship? They’ll never believe it. They’ll want to meet them, they’ll want to interrogate them, and I swear, my parents will put them through _tests_ before giving them their ‘seal of approval’. No one wants to deal with that after a decade of schooling. It’ll drive anyone insane.”

“Is there _any_ other way out?”

“Hell. I don’t want to admit it but...no. Unless we want to send them all to hospital or become fugitives or something.”

“Are you dating anyone?”

“Wha-what?”

Panic. That was what it was. That harsh pounding of the heart, the words stuck in his throat. Stall, stall, deflect; whenever he was about to be caught doing something, that was his first reaction. He didn’t want KID to be his guilty secret, because that wouldn’t be fair to him, but the world has been proved to him countless times that it was unfair, unkind. He didn’t want to betray KID’s trust. He didn’t want the police to capture KID, even though it was only _right_.

“Um—”

“Oh, Shinichi-kun~ Where are you?”

He shut his eyes. That obnoxious voice. Someone save him. “Fuck, _fuck_ —why the hell is she here? I’m going to kill Ran.”

A hand landed on his shoulder. He looked up and into Kuroba’s warm eyes. “Hey, hey—calm down a little. Is she really that bad?”

“No.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“She’s _worse_. She’s like my personal nightmare.” He sunk lower in his seat. Why did he agree to come? “Bright side, at least she’s not a fangirl.”

Kuroba winced. “Maybe you should just—run? I can distract her.”

“Too late, she just saw me.” Quick, quick, Shinichi, _think_ . “Uh—um—can you just pretend you’re my date and hopefully she’ll leave? Maybe?” _Why_ was that the _only_ idea he had? Kuroba was never going to agree, Shinichi was going to die—

“—calm down,” Kuroba actually looked alarmed now. “I—uh—sure. I can do that. It’s only for the moment, right?”

Shinichi nodded frantically, trying to pull himself together. Why? _Why?_

“Shinichi-kun!” The girl rushed towards him, making a beeline for him. He braced himself for the impact. “I’ve missed you, honey!” She wrapped her arms around his neck, and laid a kiss on the crown of his head.

It felt more like a stranglehold than any sort of hug. He resisted the urge to run away. “Um, Hiromi-san, could you not do that? I can’t breathe.” She blinked, then laughed and let go. He could breathe again. “And please don’t greet me like that.”

“I’m just expressing my affection for you, Shinichi-kun! You won’t believe how happy I was when Ran-san asked me if I could make it today! Of course, I said yes, as if I would ever turn down a chance to spend with—” Her eyes suddenly narrowed. Shinichi followed her gaze, to Kuroba, who looked...a little jealous, actually. And slightly angry, confusingly. “Who is this, Shinichi-kun? Have you already found someone else? I—”

“Hiromi-san.” He held up a hand. Words could not express how much he did not want to deal with her. Not now, not _ever_ . “We weren’t dating, and, as a matter of fact, I have already found someone else.” Yeah, _KID_.

There was a glint in her eyes that didn’t like. She raked her red nails down his right arm, before swinging an arm around him again. “Oh really? Who? I can promise you I can show you a better time.”

“Actually, it’s—”

“I’m his boyfriend, thank you.” Kuroba finally spoke up, his eyes dark and dangerous. “So could you get your hands off _my_ boyfriend, ah, Hiromi-san, was it?”

“Oh, a possessive one? Figured you’ll pick someone like him, Shinichi-kun.”

“Uh—”

“But if it’s possessive you want, I can be the same—no, better. Definitely better than that guy.”

“Hiromi-san. Hands off Shinichi.” Somehow, his expression had only gotten darker. It was like she flipped a switch, and suddenly that cheerful side is gone. It was perplexing, to say the least. “He’s mine."

Was it just him, or was Kuroba actually a world-class actor?

“Oh, but, Shinichi-kun and I have such... _history_ between us, him and I. We’ve known each other for so long, and I’ve never seen you around before. Right, Shinichi-kun?”

He should have ran away when Kuroba offered. Fuck his pride. “No, we—”

“—even if we haven’t known each other for long, he sure as hell likes me better than you, Hiromi-san.” Kuroba actually stood up. “So take your hands off Shinichi. He’s not very comfortable, you see?” They were all getting quite a few stares.

“Is that true, Shinichi-kun? You don’t actually want me here?”

“Yes.” She actually looked shocked. But then her expression turned to one of contemplative comprehension, and he did _not_ want to know what she was thinking. “Kaito—” He could see Kuroba jerking at the use of his name. “—and I would appreciate it if you kept your hands off me and left us alone for the rest of the evening. Kaito, sit down.” Kuroba complied, but he was still glaring at her.

“I won’t give up, you know.” She flashed a sordid smile. “That doesn’t deter me. Couples break up all the time. Besides, are you sure you two are in a relationship?”

Shinichi didn’t really know what was happening. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with their act.

“—where’s all the secret hand-holding? All the news and gossip about this new relationship, Shinichi-kun? I know everything about you, I follow everything about you, and you expect me to miss something as big as this?”

“My love life is none of anyone’s business.” Why couldn’t she just _leave_ ? “Except Kaito’s.” Again, a little jolt from Kuroba. _Why?_

“I still don’t buy that your relationship is real. I couldn’t have missed it. You don’t even act like you’re in love, Shinichi-kun.” He didn’t?

“I—I don’t have to prove my relationship to you.”

“Oh, but you do.” Her arm tightened around his neck. “Because, you see, I won’t leave until you prove it to me.”

“No.”

“Evidence, _meitantei_.”

He knew when he was beat.

 _How did it come to this?_ He rose, trying not to think, and pried off her arm—he should have done that _years_ ago—and marched up to Kuroba, grabbed him by the tie and kissed him. “I am so sorry about this,” he whispered, a millimetre apart. “I hope you can forgive me.” He pulled away, face aflame. He’d need more than just Kuroba’s forgiveness. KID was going to kill him.

He faced the woman, who seemed to be... _texting_?

“Now, leave. You’ve gotten what you wanted.”

“I’ll never get what I want until I can have you, Shinichi-kun.” He just wanted this to end. “See you later, honey. Call me when you’re bored of him.” Shinichi suppressed a shudder.

Finally, _fucking_ _finally_ she sauntered away, and he collapsed on the table. “Why is this my life?” This seemed to be a regular occurrence these days. He hit his head against the table.

“Shinichi.” He looked up. Kuroba was smiling a little uncomfortably down at him. “Are you—”

“—Kuroba. I’m so sorry about that, I—”

“It’s alright.” Did he actually mean that? “It really surprised me but, I mean, I already told you I’ll help you, so.”

“Really? You actually mean it?” he nodded. “Thank goodness.” He hoped KID would be this forgiving.

“Maybe just a little warning next time, yeah?”

He groaned. “I hope there is _never_ a next time. I hate her so much. Ran too.”

“I can see why.”

“I—” His phone was ringing. “—please don’t let it be Ran, please don’t let it be—oh for fuck’s sake. Could this day get any worse?”

“Go on.” Kuroba was still smiling at him. “I’ll wait for you here.”

“Thanks.” He all but ran outside. “If you wanted me out of my ‘closet’, why the hell did you set me up with a girl? Especially _that_ girl? She has an unhealthy obsession with me that somehow doesn’t have anything to do with being a fangirl. Why couldn’t you have set me up with an actual pot plant?”

“Shinichi.” He didn’t even need to hear her to understand she was seething with anger. Just a bit. “I go through all this trouble to set up something like this for you, and you just—always! You’re always like this!”

“But Ran—”

“Don’t you ‘but Ran’ me, Shinichi! What’s this I hear about you being in a relationship from Hiromi-san? I’m just going to ignore the fact that you don’t like her. Why didn’t you tell me?” He could hear the hurt in her voice. He pinched his nose.

“I—uh—it only happened recently?”

“You still could have told me!”

“Well,” Shinichi started, fed up with the situation. “Maybe I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d react like this. Maybe I didn’t tell you because you don’t need to know everything, Ran. Maybe it’s because this relationship might not last, or maybe it’s because you will interrogate, and prod, and prod, and prod at him until he’s so scared he’ll probably just dump me anyway! You guys are way too overprotective!”

“Don’t get smart with me, Shinichi.”

“I’m not—”

“—but I suppose you’re right about basically everything. As usual. We—you know we care about you.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

“Just remember that, yeah? I’ll forgive you for the whole ‘not telling me’ thing if you bring your new beau with you when we meet up soon.”

“I—can I at least talk to him about it first?”

“Sure. You better make sure he comes.”

“...fine.”

“And Shinichi?”

“Yeah?”

“Congrats on your relationship. I never thought you’d find someone, but you picked a good one. He’s cute.”

“Ran!”

“What, I’m not wrong. He _is_.”

“...I suppose I can’t disagree, but, for the record, I wasn’t in the closet.”

“What—oh, I didn’t mean _that_ kind of closet, idiot! Remember when you used to hide in your closet when we were kids when your parents tried to force you to do something you didn’t want to do? That’s what I meant.”

“Do you have to bring that up now? I don’t do that any more!”

“Though I suppose with your new boyfriend, you’re not in that closet either, huh?”

“Ran…”

“I need to go, Shinichi, so just bring him on our picnic, yeah? I also want a picture of you two together.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“One last thing, that kiss? It was adorable. I need to thank Hiromi-san. Bye!”

“What—Ran!” He glared at his phone. She hung up on him again. “Why does this keep happening to me? Which god did I manage to anger this time?”

He trudged back inside. He managed to plop back onto his seat before Kuroba said anything, so he was a little grateful. Anything to delay the inevitable.

“Back already?”

“Yeah.” He looked around. “Your date not here, or did you already deal with them?”

“Aoko said she couldn’t make it, so I’m glad about that.”

“I know,” he groaned. “What would happen if we had to do all that again? Today sucks.”

“It’s okay. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“It’s not,” he whined, uncaring. “Ran thinks we’re in a relationship because _Hiromi-san_ sent her a picture of ‘the kiss’ and now she wants to meet you! I said I’ll ask you first, but if you don’t go, she’ll find a way to get you there, some time.”

“Well, we have to keep this charade going, right? We can’t just break up now, because then it’s back to the dating pool for us, and frankly, after that, I never want to experience that again.”

“Are you saying—”

“I’m saying we should just keep this up. It’s mutually beneficial, it’ll keep them away from us, and well, they already think we’re in a relationship anyway.” he shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt, does it? It’s only temporary anyway.”

 _It does_ , Shinichi wanted to scream. Because there still was the ‘KID’ problem, there still was how he had to tell him about this new development—but Kuroba didn’t know that. Kuroba didn’t have to know. He could always break it off if KID didn’t like it or wanted to tell him his identity. KID would understand. Still, with an ache in his heart that somehow felt like betrayal and guilt rolled into one, he agreed. “Well, I hope you’re not currently in a relationship.” Shinichi gave him a watery smile.

“Great. Let’s iron the details of our ‘dating life’ out later, but for now, you have to start calling me ‘Kaito’ instead of ‘Kuroba’.”

“Do I have to?”

“You already did, idiot. I’ve been calling you by your name since you first introduced yourself to me.”

“Huh.” He hadn’t noticed. It had felt...natural—normal?—for Kuroba to call him Shinichi, so he hadn’t noticed. Interesting. “Right.”

“So?” Kuroba was looking at him expectantly.

Their eyes met, and Shinichi mustered a small smile. Suddenly the world didn’t seem so dark after all.

“We need to figure out how we won’t get hell rained down upon us by our friends and survive through this.”

Kuroba was still waiting. Shinichi tried not to read into the way he smiled and the feel of his lips against his.

  
“I accept your proposal for fake boyfriendship, _Kaito_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > **Kaito's thoughts throughout the entire chapter:**  
>  What the hell am I doing, what the hell am I doing, what the hell am I doing, _whatthehellamIdoing_...
> 
> So:
> 
>   * Shinichi can't actually talk to doves; they've just reached some sort of...understanding. (well, I also think it's kinda cute, especially if he and the doves work together against their papa.)
>   * I a hundred percent support the headcanon that Kaito considers his doves his kids.
>   * Fun fact: my notes for the heist section was literally "Skip to heist: mua mua mua", which was helpful. Especially for me.
>   * I've discovered that listening to [doves cooing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qS77R0Y1K8) on repeat is very relaxing and I WANT ONE NOW.
>   * I've also decided that Shinichi raised a couple doves when he was little, because Touichi kept coming around with them and he may have thought they were cute and Touichi may have given him one, okay.
> 

> 
> As to why the bird is named Pluto? The bird is tiny, and adorable as hell. Something else I think is tiny and adorable as hell? Pluto. I mean, it's my favourite (dwarf) planet. There's a giant heart on it. It's super cold. Greek mythology is cool. Hades is underappreciated. (Though thinking about the fact that it's a dwarf planet still makes me sad.) [VIVA LA PLUTO!](https://www.google.com/search?q=viva+la+pluto&rlz=1C1SQJL_enAU811AU811&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=1uzLejmVHdI40M%253A%252CFlIJD0gMGfRPpM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kTfkQQBsaZChvkfdOev7dl2W-XDIA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj61sPi4JzjAhUaf30KHaLIDT0Q9QEwAXoECAcQBg#imgrc=1uzLejmVHdI40M:&vet=1)
> 
> Hope you liked it, and if there's any pointers or tips on how to improve my writing, please write a comment. I don't think I'm very good at this thing.

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably be updated every week or so (hopefully), and the chapter count might be increased to eight, or all the chapters may be merged into one, but we'll have to see. If anyone has another, better, title idea please do tell me. I had this called "the ninth circle of hell" in my draft because number nine in this fic (if I ever decide to write it, which is extremely improbable) would be Eros and at this point, it _is_ hell. So hell no.
> 
> Note: I do not swear in real life. This was so far out of my comfort zone.


End file.
